Wow,
This year has really been one of unfolding in regards to body image,and how I project "health". I realized some months ago that part of the reason I had been unable to shed the weight I gained during chemotherapy was because I had my energy focused on keeping the people around me comfortable ...not shaking the boat so-to-speak.
I see my friends and co-workers intermittently throughout the calendar year. Sometimes 10 months go by before I see someone again. In that 'first impression moment' we all make snap judgments about each others' health and vitality, as well as suppositions about stuff that really is none of our business, like who they may be dating, or is that a new tattoo?
Anyway, the first time I showed up at a seasonal location, weighing 10 pounds less than the year before, everyone asked (in that concerned voice that tends to capitalize the word 'Cancer') ... "How are you doing? is your health alright?". Which my subconscious people-pleaser translated into "People get worried about me when I lose weight." Immediate self-sabotage ensued. This realization was not immediate... and it's possible that I finally got some freedom around it due to the fact that now I've been cancer-free for more than 5 years.
In that same vein, I had the story that I had a responsibility to look healthy when people saw me for the first time in a year, which meant not leaving the house without makeup and cute hair. Just within the past year, I let go of the need to wear makeup daily. I get that health is more of an energetic projection than a 'look'.
In this piece of the puzzle, I was brought to the truth that in my world (granted, more artists and alt-types than other parts of the universe), 'Healthy' doesn't wear makeup ... or perhaps ... the energetic "I am the archetypal Healthy, no matter what I look like today" that I put forward, has brought dozens of old friends forward to tell me how healthy I look.
Raw food is not cause in this journey, it is more effect. as I live "I am Healthy" the tools I need are showing up in my life.
So in all of this personal exploration, I entered a contest on Raw Fu entitled "This is what beautiful looks like", with a makeup-less photo of myself ... and I won second place. Mind-blowing really.
the photo is in the post below, entitled Day 22.
Rhonni
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